StockBowl

Hammer of the Gods

Retired!

Race:	Norse
Coach:	Helllstrom

Description

Blood! Beer! Beards!

Ever since their childhood the inbred sons of Jarl Köttve and his sister and queen Brunstmor had a fascination for round and oblong things. Their temperament, a keen interest in violence coupled with almost nonexistent fear, left the Jarl with little to no choice but to forge them into a Blood Bowl team from early age. The fact that the brothers had the combined intelligence of a snow troll might also have had something to do with it, but the Jarl gracefully kept that fact to himself.

Bulletin board from the coach
Mar. 2nd, 2015 - old news
Norse Gods seek Playmates Mildly damaged Norse Blood Bowl team seeks playmates for, eerh, random play. After our first and only season, rewarding us with a prize for most deaths suffered, it's a fact that our brothers Grimulv, Grimblixt, Fläskvar and Fenris died. Vridvril and Malbjörn was damaged boyond reapair. Sadly we suffered a total of 16 injured players in 6 matches. This is, well, bad. We have lately come to doubt our genepool, and concluded that we need fresh blood. We now seek another inbred family from Norsca to mate with. Please reply by pigeon to House Köttve, mark the envelope ”Tommy & Annika”.
- Helllstrom


June 27th, 2014 - old news
Who, did you say?!? A perplexed crowd left the arena this evening after the bout between The Ulthuan Firebirds and Hammer of the Gods. 15 000 souls, all with the same question lingering in their minds. Who was that journeyman? What mysterious fellow joined the ranks of The Ulthuan Firebirds this match? Although the game was won by the Norse side it was with a foul aftertaste, Triste misses next game, and poor Grimblixt died, all by the hand of that mysterious character. John ”Scare-Block” Holmis, private investigator specialized on Blood Bowl cheating, hired by Hammer of the Gods, sums up the facts: 1) We all know the Firebirds payed the regular 50k for a journeyman. 2) Journeymen are scruffy looking. 3) Journeymen are sad and lonely. 4) They often stink and they mostly suck. 5) Did I say they are lonely? - Well, this was a simple case, if I ever saw one, says old "Scare-Block", and continues. Let´s look a little closer on Syrthath. This jouneyman was a polished and distinguished snob, perfumed with Essence of Petunia. Far from your common Blood Bowler. One bystander even reported harp music from the Firebirds dressingroom and the stadiums carataker found a monogrammed bathing robe, with the initials PM on them after the Firebirds left. To my knowedge there can only be one answer: That was no ordinary wandering player – It must have been the star player Prince Moranion in disguise!!! - It´s ridiculous, says Coach Kråkvinkel, what high elf journeyman travels with an entourage of more than 50 elves? It´s an outrage! Triste clearly heard a player saying ”well played, My Lord,” to the journeyman while he drifted into unconsciousness. And when we carried the poor dead brother Grimblixt of the pitch he looked vaguely starstruck. I´ve never seen a journeyman hit so hard!
- Kråkvinkel


May 30th, 2014 - old news
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? It was a quiet team in the dressingroom. A game was lost, and worse, a brother was lost. Fenris was killed. The game was not favourable for the cold climate Norsemen, a Swealtering Heat kept parts of the team on the bench for mostof the match. The Coach´s half demented ramblings quickly melted away from the players minds, leaving nothing but chaos, bad judgement and poor play. After the death of Ulfwerener Fenris, things went rotten. - Hunger was his demise, really. I told him before the match, keep it together. It must have been the aproaching full moon, he just couldn´t stop himself. He took some ribs from Rangel II, I saw it, fellow Ulfwerener Varg howls. The hunger! OOooh, he was a hungry OOooOOooOOlfffff!!! A fellow teammate concludes: - After the incident with the ribs, they went after him. He always wanted to play Blood Bowl, and now he can do it forever! It´s quite beatiful. When we saw Fenris Hammer entering the field playing for the other team we actually cheered! The comments from the coaching staff about the game were few. -Nuffle gives and Nuffle takes, mumbles a sad looking Coach Kråkvinkel.
- Kråkvinkel


May 22nd, 2014 - old news
Territorial Pissings Tensions were high before the first match of the season, and after the reports of some ”suspicious activity” in the dugout of Hammer of the the Gods, where the Ulfwereners of the opposing team had been seen sneaking around before the game, the rumours started flying. It was a relieved coach Kråkvinkel that endered the press room after the bout. - Well, the guys performed well, after the circumstances. When we entered the dugout just before the kickoff our ulfwereners found disgusting urine markings all over, sending them (and the rest of the team) into an uncontrollable rage. I wanted tactics, but instead the guys went for a head hunt. 1-1 is a result I can accept. The fact remains, the guilty party of the urine incident, Jerrys Kids Ulfwereners Lenny Lashley and Tommy Terror, both went down hard. In fact so hard that they both miss the next game. - That´s what you get for pissing in our gene pool, says the Coach. It´s not a very big pool, considering our ancestry, more of a kid size, but still. Revenge had to be taken.
- Kråkvinkel

See older bulletins

Tournaments played:

Reserves Rumble, Season 14, Open Season 2, Open Season 3

Trophies won:

Notes
Retired 2020-08-31 /Anders